Chapter 3.3

I do wonder when it began.

Again, I embrace myself.

The wind is strong for this early morning.

I adjust my scarf to cover almost half of my face.

I shake my head.

My fingers brush against the cold stone seat.

Perhaps I should’ve brought gloves.

…Though it’s kind of a bit early.

I look around, hearing nothing but faint wind.

That gentle whistle of the wind…

I’m hearing it because… ahh—

The wind brushes against the leaves, the trees, everything and it causes change in pressure?

And my ear happens to catch those changes in pressure…?

Then, what caused that… loud noise?

It’s not like there was anything that could even…

Uhm…

Hah—I lift my head, pulling down my scarf to breathe in, then out.

I turn to my side, picking up my small sketchbook to continue my drawing.

The trees I drew in the foreground, with the clouds in the distance… it’s terrible, I won’t deny it.

My lines are crooked… and I don’t exactly know how to draw depth.

I try to shade the base of the tree but—

That just made it worse.

I flip to my previous works… all terrible, but I made it.

Maybe if I get good enough I can show some to others.

I fold the sketchbook close, feeling the strong breeze pick up again.

…Perhaps I should’ve brought something else to do.

It sucks looking at my drawings.

Maybe I’m just trying to look cool.

I look at it one final time, seeing my name scribbled on the cover.

Maybe if my parents were home they could’ve taught me.

I hide the sketchbook in my bag, stuffing it to the side before zipping my bag shut.

Now… I lift my scarf again, closing my eyes and just swaying my legs.

I wonder if Mugi would like it here.

I’ve never really been able to spend time with her outside of school.

Or any of the people I know.

…

Maybe I’m scared.

Of being seen.

…I don’t know.

Speaking of Mugi…

I look around, seeing no leaves on my seat—but hundreds on the ground as usual.

I’m not exactly sure what she would consider better.

A perfect leaf?

A unique one?

Something cute or small…?

But she’s referring to the perfect leaf I gave Hoshino-san so… something like that?

I don’t stand.

Just… dart my eyes all over the place, trying to find anything that stands out.

But you can’t really rely on leaves that have fallen.

Once they begin to pile up, a perfect leaf will inevitably get damaged by others around it.

It was a miracle that the leaf from before landed beside me… never really joining its peers.

Though I suppose leaves aren’t really meant to stay… perfect.

…I wonder if she kept it.

I wonder if Hayashi has found a book to keep it in.

I scratch my cheek, shivering from how cold it is.

…By preserving the leaf, its beauty remains.

But by letting the leaf decay… I think it’s still beautiful.

Perhaps beauty isn’t really perfection but… something in every leaf.

I shiver again, folding inwards as I tightly hug myself.

…I look around.

I don’t think I’ll find a leaf for Mugi until I learn what she finds beautiful.

I close my eyes, sitting perfectly still.

I sway my body around, trying the very least to produce some heat.

Though eventually, I do feel some against me.

Piercing through thick clouds, the sun finally says good morning.

It isn’t much, but the warmth is enough.

Hmm… I should leave anytime soon.

I lean back, watching the sky light up again.

Then finally, I stand.

My legs feel limp… perhaps I sat for too long.

The leaves crunch beneath my feet.

I still look and find… nothing.

The pile has grown, and the trees have lost more leaves.

Perhaps with time, the leaves have decayed.

Yet something peculiar peeks within the pile.

I crouch down, uncovering something white.

…

That’s…

I pick up leaves one by one, setting them aside before finally—seeing it whole.

Did someone leave this here or… no—there’s no way.

Cold to the touch, I pick it up.

…It’s been a while.

I stand, my gaze set directly to what’s in my hand.

This familiar envelope… I rip it open.

…Okay?

It’s not like…

I mean—something did happen but…

Am I okay…?

I look around, seeing no one.

I didn’t really see anyone for the past few hours.

It’s… too early for this.

It’s not like I’m not okay…

I look at it again.

This familiar sheet of paper I can’t bear to forget.

Yeah… I suppose.

I’m okay.

I just don't understand this.

At all.

I’d appreciate it if…

Ahhh—

I let out a sigh.

Watch leaves fall.

Then stuff it into my bag.

It’s time to go.

…

The morning remains uneventful.

I remain… okay.

Perhaps one day the sender will properly face me.

I just hope it isn’t a trick to make fun of me.

I really don’t understand how it keeps appearing in such… unconventional places.

Almost like it appears out of nowhere.

Even back then in the bathroom.

…Future lover.

I still find it hard to believe.

To think there is someone who loves me so much that… they reach out to… me.

This really… has always really been such a confusing thing.

My mom says I’ll understand soon.

But will I really…?

Every time it just feels like love is…

I can’t really say.

Watanabe-san seems to find it nice; she likes someone and it makes her happy.

Nishino-kun on the other hand… he says he likes me, but it’s almost like…

No… I don’t know, that’s all there is to it.

I shouldn’t… even really be… thinking about it…?

Perhaps I left later than usual, but stores have already opened up.

Strangely enough, standing at a distance is a familiar figure.

“...You’re early,” I mumble.

He turns to me… it’s him, thank goodness.

“Ah—where’d you come from?”

“I live… that way,” I point behind me. “What brings you here? Where’s your bag?”

“Well, woke up too early—and hungry… I was at school earlier,” he says.

“You’ve come quite far.” I look at the store he’s standing in front of. “...Onigiri?”

“Want one?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll order one myself.”

“No need, I ordered three…”

“But that’s for you,” I furrow my brows.

“I was going to give you one at school, but—well,” he lets out a sigh and just…

I nod, standing beside him as we waited for his order.

“Thank you…”

He nods.

…To think he had an order for me.

“Thanks, Hayashi.”

He looks at me. “Didn’t you already say it?”

“Just… showing my appreciation,” I nod.

The streets remain quiet, yet lively.

I’m not late, am I…?

…My watch—no, there’s still time.

I glance at Hayashi.

He really is easygoing.

Eventually, his order is given; he returns holding a steamy bag.

“Aihara-san,” he calls. “Tuna… shrimp, or salmon?”

“Any will do.”

He looks at me strangely.

“At least pick one.”

“Uhm… well—” I scratch my cheek.

I reach for the bag, closing my eyes and just picking one.

“Be careful, it’s hot.”

I nod, then we both make our way to school.

“Oh—I got the shrimp,” I say, having bitten into the steamy onigiri. “I haven’t had this kind of onigiri in a while…”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” I swallow. “I often buy from convenience stores and eat them cold.”

“I’ve never heard of anyone eating it cold."

“It’s normal,” I stare at him. “Try it some day.”

I take another bite.

…How come I never bought from that place?

Wait, come to think of it…

“It’s my first time seeing you outside of school.”

“Me too,” he says… having finished an entire onigiri, while I have barely eaten half of mine.

He has quite the appetite.

Maybe that’s why he’s tall?

“...I feel guilty all of a sudden.”

“How come?”

“I stole your onigiri.”

“Like I said, I bought that for you.”

“I find it hard to believe…”

Eventually, we saw the open field.

I stop to look at myself in the convex mirror.

He stands behind me and just looks up while eating.

…Upon arriving at school, I dropped my bag to my desk.

I sat down, holding the food carefully as I finished the remains of my onigiri.

“The ones I get at the convenience store are usually smaller,” I say. “Thanks for the treat, Hayashi.”

“You’re welcome, Aihara-san,” he faintly smiles, before turning back to his own desk.

He’s really nice… mom would love to meet him, definitely.

I pat my hands, pulling my bag aside and letting out a sigh of relief.

I’m full, and I went to the park earlier.

I feel so much better.

I lean back, looking around the classroom slowly being filled.

Maybe I should get a drink or something.

“...Hayashi, I’ll treat you to a drink.”

He looks at me, and before he could shake his head—I force a smile, nodding my head and he goes along.

“Then… a small green tea for me.”

He chose the cheapest…

I nod and leave the room.

Having arrived at the right hour, students were coming in left and right.

I pass through the busy hallway—the vending machine… clear.

I insert a few coins, pressing the button for Hayashi’s green tea and…

Hmm.

Apple juice of course.

I crouch down, picking up the two and silently making my way back to the classroom.

…So many people already.

I tap Hayashi’s shoulder with the drink, and quietly hand it to him.

“Thanks, Aihara-san.”

I smile, and I move to my seat but…

I look at the front—seeing Watanabe-san…? With a tilt of my head and looking at her, she noticed and smiled at me; I lightly waved before sitting back down myself.

…I wonder why she was looking?

Though, it’s been a while since we last interacted.

I poke the straw into the juice box, taking a sip of the drink.

Maybe I should’ve gotten… something warm.

I shiver, digging myself deeper into my scarf.

While the apple juice… still cold. I hold it with both hands.

I really do get cold easily.

But… still can’t wait for winter.

I take another sip, staring blankly outside as I wait for classes to start.

Hayashi… seems to just be reading something.

…I set the juice box on my desk, crossing my arms and leaning back.

As much as I like going to the park, it does tire out my legs.

If it wasn’t for the onigiri, I would probably be sleeping again.

I lean down unzipping my bag. I peek into the corner that… hmm, it’s still there.

I wonder how others would react if I told them about it.

It just… feels so embarrassing.

Of course nobody would believe such writings, and yet…

I let out a sigh, taking one long continuous sip before the juice box quickly ran dry.

I stand, hearing the legs of my chair against the wooden floor.

Returning to the hallway, I look around… still so many people.

I pass through quietly, keeping my head down as I walk swiftly.

The juice box—still cold against my fingertips… I toss straight to the bins.

Wait, was that… ah yeah it’s disposable.

I turn around.

The hallway is filled with chatters, yet I hear my footsteps.

And their footsteps.

Eventually I returned to the classroom, sliding the door—shut. Did I close it too loudly…?

But no one seemed to notice?

How strange…

I looked around, yeah—no one noticed.

Returning to my seat.

I let out a sigh.

I breathe in,  then out.

Blinking several times, and just… sitting there.

The door opens, and our teacher arrives.

Everyone immediately takes out their textbooks.

I do so too.

He picks up a piece of chalk, writing down on the board as I…

Wait—I shake my head.

My bangs… I adjust it lightly, I think it’s fine.

Then, the discussion already started.

Hayashi’s listening.

Everyone is.

…?

I scratch my cheek, brows furrowed as I look at my textbook.

It’s…

…I excuse myself.

…

…

The water from the faucet rushes out.

I let my hands run through them—I mean, the water through my hands.

Then just… hold my face.

…My face feels kind of warm.

A bit too warm I think.

It’s not like I slept too short.

I felt decent earlier…

I leave my hand there, under the faucet.

Get a grip… Mizuki.

Once more, I wash my face.

Lightly patting it dry with my handkerchief.

Hah—I look at myself in the mirror.

Squeezing my eyes shut… several times.

Holding onto the counter, just to—I don’t know.

The water crashes against the sink.

I turn the faucet off.

And looking around I… I retreat inside a stall.

Sat on a closed toilet.

…Rubbing my hands together, and feeling every water droplet.

…

A heavy pulse behind my eyes, I…

I shut my eyes.

Folding inwards.

Hearing my slightest breath.

It hurts.

Why now…?

Hah—

I rest my forehead against my knee.

…

…

Just… lightly listening to my own breath.

Settling myself as that pulse eased a little.

Then—

I stand.

Leaving the stall.

Darting my eyes around the bathroom while—

Unable to hear anything beside that… loud piercing noise.

Ringing my ears.

I turn the faucet on and let the water course through my hands.

Yet, I don’t hear it.

My eyes wince before suddenly.

It all comes crashing back.

…

I cool my wrists against the water.

Just for… a little bit longer.

…But of course, the bathroom door opened.

A girl came in, and I left with my head down.

Okay.

I might have been out for too long.

I rubbed my hand against my eyes, looking out the window to see the same cloudy sky.

…It isn’t dark though, thankfully.

I should be good… I think.

I pass through the empty hallway, quietly returning to the classroom.

The lesson is still ongoing.

I’ll probably be better off catching up at a later date.

It’s not like it isn’t in our textbook.

I should probably go to the nurse but…

I think it’s fine.

Too much of a hassle anyway.

…I sink to my seat, and watch the board be filled with words.

I look at Hayashi.

He turns to me all of a sudden.

I settle myself and straighten my back, though I lean forward and embrace myself.

I look at him, he gives a look of concern.

So I shake my head, and he nods—looking down to his notes.

So strange… he must think I’m acting strange.

I was just acting normal with him earlier.

Now suddenly…

I feel a tap to my shoulder.

…A note?

I take the small paper and it reads…

“Just tell me if you need to go to the nurse, the teacher is also concerned.”

I turn to him with a faint smile.

I’m worrying him.

I write… thanks, and return the paper to him.

Eventually, morning class finished.

Each and every time I was checked up on by the teacher but… it’s not like I’m getting worse.

The classroom remained still, most went out to get food.

My eyes continue to wince, that sharp pulse returning… before quickly fading.

“Hayashi-kun?” I hear by the door… Watanabe-san and Taiki-kun were about to leave.

“Ah—yeah, coming.”

He stands, and I watch him leave.

All of a sudden I feel hungry.

And thirsty.

But… no, I’ll just wait it out.

Soon I’ll go home anyway.

Maybe I’ll just…

No, too expensive.

It’s close anyway.

Just… a few more hours and I probably should stay home tomorrow.

I swallow nothing, burying my head in my arms as I… close my eyes.

It’s strange.

Definitely.

If I just acted normally Hayashi wouldn’t be feeling so awkward.

Moreover… I was acting completely different earlier.

I hope the teachers stop putting me in the spotlight.

But going to the nurse… I’d miss out on lessons again.

Though… it’s not like I’m even understanding them now.

…

…Another faint tap to my shoulder.

I raise my head.

It’s… Hayashi.

“Take this,” he says.

I look behind him… did he leave his friends?

“...?” I tilt my head, then see a sports drink in front of me. “How much was this?”

“...Don’t worry about it,” he says, scratching his neck.

I hold it firmly between both hands.

“Thanks, again, Hayashi.”

He nods, and turns around—back out to the hallway.

I’m already making him worried.

I hope… he doesn’t tell Mugi.

…

…

…

“...”

I raise my head, looking around and seeing everybody back in the room just… doing nothing?

The teacher’s at the front too…

Is there an activity or… no, probably not.

“...Free time, apparently.”

I look at Hayashi, sitting still and doing nothing.

…I lift my wrist, looking at my watch.

Just a few more classes and I’ll finally be—

Able to go home.

Hmm…

I lean back against my chair, looking outside to see a dark sky.

It’s the middle of fall…?

Not again…

I let out a sigh.

Take a sip of the drink and… just remain still.

I feel like if I try to do anything right now… my headache will return.

All I can do is slump… cross my arms, raise my scarf and just close my eyes, again.

…

…

…

…

…

“...Aihara-san.”

…

“Hey.”

…My—

My desk comes into view and… I—

“It isn’t raining so… you can probably head home immediately.” Hayashi… says.

I look out, seeing a normal sky.

“I’m… my bad.” I settled myself.

“You…” He seems to say something but. “...Don’t worry,” he leaned close—picking up my bag from below to place on his desk. “Are all of your things here?”

“...Um, yes, I suppose.”

He looks at my desk, and just…

…

He doesn’t do anything.

So I shake my head, stand on both feet and put a hand over my bag.

“Be careful on your way home.”

“...What about you?”

“Classroom duty.”

I… nod, putting the strap over my shoulder and turning to leave the room.

Before I left, I turned around… watching him take the broom from the locker.

Isn’t duty supposed to be done by pairs…?

Well… I scratch my head.

I should probably head home.

Though, maybe I have time to ask about the… lesson from yesterday.

I look around, the hallways rather empty.

Did I sleep for too long?

…I don't know.

I make my way to the faculty office.

Knocking gently on the door before I was let in.

“...Aihara-san? Are there any concerns?”

“Um… is Aoi-sensei in the room?”

“Yes… just head over to her table, she’s somewhat free.”

I lightly bow, and make my way to her table.

“Aoi-sensei.”

“Hm? Aihara-san?”

“...I just had a… um, question regarding yesterday’s lesson.”

“About waves?”

I nod. “You mentioned that the eardrum has a limit to what it can handle… if it’s beyond that—we usually hear a loud ringing noise… right?”

“Right… Yes, some source of noise like the school bell if too close or too loud will definitely be too much for a person to withstand, it’s only natural that the ears will ring in response to that immense pressure. Does that clear things up?”

“I see… I was wondering if um… besides noise—could that immense pressure come from elsewhere?”

“Elsewhere…? Like… what do you mean?”

“Well, um—recently I’ve been hearing this… uh… this loud ringing noise, but—there wasn’t really anything noisy nearby that could have caused it.” I explain… and she tilts her head, looking at me.

“...Can you come close? Sit here beside me,” Aoi-sensei dictates, pulling a nearby chair and setting it in front of her.

I sit down, and she firmly holds my head.

Around the ears and just…

“You’re cold to the touch… have you been resting recently?”

“...Yes, I haven’t really—”

She finally lets go of me.

“Well… sometimes it’s purely psychological and… attributed to stress.”

“...Is that so?”

“Mhm, you should head home and rest. Take the day off tomorrow I’ll mark you excused, what matters is you get some rest.”

“I… understand, thank you.” I gently bow my head before quietly leaving the office.

The moment I stepped out, the empty hallway awaited me—colored by the ongoing sunset.

I close my eyes, pierced by the golden sunlight… and crouch down.

Again… it’s—

I squeeze my lips shut.

It’s too loud.

I try to cover my ears but it just—

… ?

It stopped.

…I stand.

Looking outside.

Hearing nothing but…

…that loud.

Uncomfortable.

Piercing noise.

I breathe in, and out.

Staying still, yet my head drops.

If I can just go home then I’ll…

Maybe this will all go away.

…If I can just—

I hold onto the strap of my bag… tightly.

Taking… small steps.

Making my way down the hallway.

Looking down to shield my eyes.

It’s…

Ngh—I tense my jaw as it just… drives deeper down my brain.

Like needles skewering in and out—

Slowly… piercing through—

I can’t…

I crouch down.

Holding my head firmly.

Violently pulsing…

This constant buzz keeps ringing in my head.

    It feels so…

…I stand again, trying to hold myself together until I arrive at the entrance—

But in front of me.

              Nishino…

I couldn’t movemy head

hewhat do i

what is he             help

help.nothing

why

cold

coldthe sun

moonmoonmoonmoonmoon

i don;t dances in the sky

stars in front

someone…

so bright

      I almost

Farther and… larger grow to seems sun the

to go back in time... and see you again.

fēnglì

.field grassy this on lay I as fall stars the

zēngqiángle.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

where

…pressure

 

Return to my arms.

“...H-hey,” a voice comes through, and everything fades.

…?

Someone… in front of me.

Holding me, whilst I hold onto theirs.

…I look up, seeing Hayashi—concerned.

And again I am blinded by the scorching sun.

How strange.

No one’s here.

The wind keeps the grass moving.

While the stars continue to twinkle in front of me.

…Behind are—

The sun growing distant.

And the moon… revolving through phases.

I move, though I’m not exactly sure where I ought to.

My hair is blown against the upsurge of wind.

…But strangely enough, I failed to notice.

How warm my left hand feels…

Yet everything else, still cold.

The dark night sky turns blue…

While the wind seems to settle.

Then a fog comes in, blurring everything.

…The stars I could faintly see began to dissolve one by one.

And as the fog settled—clouds covered the sky.

Snow fell gracefully as layers of snow crunched beneath my feet.

And almost suddenly…

Everything stopped.

I let out a breath, manifesting into fog.

I look everywhere, blinded by the white snow.

The clouds… dropping such beautiful snowflakes.

I catch one with my hand, and stare at its… complex beauty.

…And the view darkened.

The wind… no longer—

…

A light bulb… but unlit.

I’m… somewhere…?

I blink several times…

Feeling the weight of something over me.

My chest raises as I catch my breath.

And hear faint footsteps getting close.

Then, a subtle turn of a knob.

“...You’re awake?” I hear an old voice.

I push myself up… against a bed… that isn’t mine.

The blanket falls over.

“Here, eat some fruit.” The old lady hands me a small platter of… apple slices. “I made some soup downstairs, so come down once you feel better.”

I can’t make out her face… but she seems to hold a gentle smile.

Then almost quickly, she leaves me alone.

…Where am I?

I look down, the cold platter with three apple slices…

I eat them.

It’s been a while since I had these.

They’re nice.

…I hold onto the empty platter and just look around… the bedroom.

There’s a computer… and some consoles.

I blink a few times.

It’s dark…

I push the blanket over, feeling the cold hit my legs.

…I’m still in my uniform.

I slide off the bed and finally, stand on both feet.

I furrow my brows… but no, it’s actually quiet.

Beside the… cicadas outside.

With a breath, I take the platter and gently… turn the doorknob.

I come out to a lit hallway, turning down the stairs to arrive at a living room.

…Hayashi.

He’s… talking to someone on the telephone.

Why am I here…?

I step closer, and see the lady in the kitchen.

His mother…?

Or… his grandmother?

She notices me, and signals me to come over.

Walking over… the house felt strangely quiet.

My footsteps… somewhat audible against the wooden floor.

“...I apologize for the intrusion,” I bow after handing the platter.

“Oh, don’t worry, please sit down.”

I nod, and turn to the dining table.

“...I don’t disregard my studies.” Hayashi spoke in a… formal manner.

I wonder who he’s…

“Yes, father.”

I shouldn’t be eavesdropping…

“Aihara, right?”

“...Yes.” I nod, firmly sitting before the table.

“Are you feeling better?” I nod again. “I was a bit surprised when Kousei brought someone home… Don’t worry you’re not intruding, it’s nice to have someone else at home every once in a while,” she smiles gently.

“...Thank you…”

“Oh—I’m Kousei’s grandmother, it’s just the two of us here.”

“I see…”

I look at Hayashi, still on the phone.

…And a bowl is set in front of me.

“It’s egg soup, it’s nice to have every once in a while.”

“Thank you, grandmother.”

I hold the bowl with both hands, feeling the warmth ease my palms.

She sets another bowl beside me, and another one for herself.

“How was it?” She… asks Hayashi.

“They’re wondering about my grades.”

“That’s it…?”

“Yeah, it’s not like they check anything else.”

“Those kids…”

Hayashi now… looks at me.

“How are you feeling?” He asks as he sits on the chair next to mine.

“...I don’t know, I feel fine—rather.”

He scoots closer to the table, and his gaze just…

“...I didn’t really know where you lived so I just brought you here.”

I nod, and watch as he holds the bowl closer.

…I too began eating the soup.

It’s warm.

…Tasty.

I can’t help but let out a breath.

“Do you like it?” I hear her ask whilst eating in front of me.

I nod… trying to smile.

…Eventually I finished half of it.

I can’t bring myself to finish it quickly.

More like… I can’t.

I keep myself steady.

Not rushing as I eat the soup.

It warms my throat… and my stomach.

“...How’s Taiki by the way?” She suddenly asks.

Taiki-kun…?

I look at Hayashi.

“He’s fine, still focuses on games rather than studying.”

“Is that so? He was so cute back then.” His grandmother chuckles as she recalls… some stuff. “You’re still friends?”

Hayashi nods as he takes a sip.

She just smiles, before looking at me.

“Have you known him for a while too?”

“...Not exactly, we’ve just been… seatmates for a while. But—” I swallow my words, and return to holding my bowl. “We’ve been friends… as of late.”

“That’s nice to hear.”

…I don’t dare to look at him.

I keep eating soup.

“Kousei, I’m going to sleep.” She stands, taking her time with every move. ”You can leave the dishes around, but make sure she is comfortable… walk her home if she has to—so her parents don’t get worried waiting.”

He nods, telling her goodnight.

…Now somewhat cold, I do eventually finish my bowl.

I lean back on the chair, my hand resting on my stomach.

I notice him looking at me, so I look at him.

My gaze drops and he stands—taking my bowl to the sink.

I hear the faint running water, and the dishes.

The cicadas outside become more audible…

I stand, steadying myself as I… walk around.

“...” I don’t really know what to do.

So I just stand, staring at the table… and often watching Hayashi.

“...Your grandmother… She's really nice.” I voice, yet it comes out too soft.

“...Everyone adores her.” His voice comes out low as well. “Water?”

“...Please.”

He hands me a glass of water.

I hold it between both hands, taking a light sip every now and then.

“Will you be staying here for the night?” He asks as the water stops.

“...” I look down.

I don’t really… know if I—

His hand extends towards me.

…I hand him the empty glass.

Won’t it be a bother for him to…

“You can stay here, or go home; either way is fine.” He says, setting the glass he just washed to the side. “You don’t really have to decide now, just… tell me once you’ve thought about it.”

I nod.

He looks around.

Approaching the dining table to… fix the chairs and…

“Aihara-san.”

“...Hm?”

“I’ll be going to my room, do you want to…?” He doesn’t finish.

I look at the living room, there’s a sofa.

But…

“I’ll be there if you need me.”

“I’m… I’ll go with you.”

He nods, and I begin to follow him.

Walking up the stairs…

I catch my breath upon getting to the second floor.

Hayashi opens the door and goes in, leaving it open.

I follow from behind… returning to where I was earlier.

…So it’s his room.

Upon entering, I see him sitting on a chair in front of the computer.

The room didn’t really have anywhere else for… me to sit in.

“Hayashi… is it fine if I…?”

He turns around, and nods.

I sit on the bed.

Hands on my lap as… he’s also just sitting there.

Mm…

I embrace myself.

…I have my blazer but—

It’s cold…

…

I think I’m…

“...Hayashi.” I call, he turns. “I’m sorry… for being such a bother.”

“...You aren’t.”

“But I’m here… when you should be resting and—”

“I’m…” He stops, looking at me before dropping his gaze. “It’s fine… that you’re here. It’s not a bother.” His voice… very low. “I don’t think you’re a bother. I just… want to make sure you’re alright.”

…I nod.

Looking at the floor.

Hearing nothing from him.

I hold my hands together.

Fiddling with my thumb.

Just…

…

“...Hayashi.”

“Hm?”

“I’m cold…”

I hear his chair move, and a cabinet open.

…I watch as he reaches for a sweater.

“It might be too big for you.”

“...It’s fine.”

He hands me a gray sweater.

It’s soft and thick.

Since it’s so big… it ended up being easy to wear over my blazer.

I wrap my hands around my neck, pushing my hair out of the sweater.

…The sleeves completely cover my hands but—

It isn’t that cold anymore.

“Thanks, Hayashi…” I mumble. For a while I sat there, hugging myself before… “Um… have you seen my bag?”

“Ah—it’s downstairs, should I—”

“Oh, no… I was just wondering.”

…Again, silence fell.

I look around the room.

It’s clean.

He has some stuff displayed.

A stack of vinyls.

…Some novels.

To think he has so many interests.

…

I should probably go home, so that… I don’t bother them too much.

But…

I’ll be alone.

I swallow nothing.

Looking down, to the open door, then at him.

It’d be nice to… stay here, honestly.

But I should go home.

“...Hayashi.” I call, and he lifts his head. “I think I’ll go home.”

“I see, I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t—”

“...Please,” he says.

…

“...Okay.”

We walk down to the living room.

I stand waiting as he turns off some light… and gets his keys.

“...You’re all good?”

“Mhm…”

He picks up my bag.

I try to take it, he refuses.

I find my shoes next to his, and once prepared—we step out of the house.

…A neighborhood I’ve never really been to.

I look up, seeing faint clouds… covering the circular moon.

…I scratch my cheek.

“I usually walk to school, and you said you live nearby so…” He looks around. “Would you prefer getting on a bus? It’ll be quicker that way.”

“...I want to walk.”

He nods.

And we finally leave.

The cold evening breeze brushes against my face.

I breathe the fresh air… able to bear the cold with his sweater.

“Is it not heavy…?” I ask.

“No, not really.”

…It’s a bit unusual.

Although, no… he’s always been like this..

Even with the small stuff.

I have a feeling this will take a while but…

I don’t mind it.

“Won’t your parents be worried?” He suddenly asks.

“...Of what?”

“You’re still not home.”

“Oh… they’re not really… at home.”

“...I see.” He falls quiet.

…

He really doesn’t… pry.

“...I haven’t seen them in a while.” I mutter, watching the view as we walk by the road. “They’re with family… in China.”

“No wonder you can speak so well…”

“...Thanks.” I held my smile, nodding as we kept walking.

“Does it not get lonely?”

“It does…” I mumble, again. “...I miss them.”

I swallow my words.

Looking down, then away.

Shaking my head and blinking several times.

“It does get… suffocating after a while.” I add.

“...You’ve done well, living by yourself.”

I squeeze the hem of the sweater, and just nod.

“Thanks…”

Again… the breeze makes itself present.

Really soothing at times like this.

“If you ever get lonely, you’re free to visit my place—grandmother does seem fond of you.”

“...If that’s okay with you.”

“Just tell me, whenever.”

“Mm.” I nod.

…It didn’t take too long, but the roads began to look familiar.

“School’s that way…” He points at the walkway to school. “I went here for the onigiri and I assume that—”

“Ah, yes… I think I’ll be fine, from this point onwards.” I mutter, stopping as I look at him. “...Though it’s fine… if you prefer to continue.”

He shows a faint smile. “I do like walking at night… so if it’s fine, I’d like to walk you home.”

We continue walking.

Now, he follows me.

Though we remain at each other’s side.

“...It’ll be a long way back.” I mentioned.

“It’s fine.”

We passed through the place we first saw each other today, though it’s closed.

I look up again as we turn to a corner, the moon’s gotten much dimmer, and the clouds more persistent.

I try to scratch my neck, but… the sleeves are too long.

“I feel small…”

“...Why?” He asks. “We’re not that far apart.”

“What…? I meant the sweater.”

“Oh…”

Did he assume I was—

“I don’t really look like a child… right?”

“...” He looks at me, then down. “No.” He shakes his head.

I slowly nod, feeling a slight sense of relief.

Although I knew it would eventually end… my home finally came into view.

“Is this your place?”

“...Yes.” I hold an awkward smile, standing in front of the gate and… reaching for my bag.

It seems he forgot, carrying it off his shoulder and handing it to me.

I look back to where we came from.

“Will you be fine?” I ask.

He looks back as well.

“Yeah, it’s not that far.”

I hold the bag with both my hands.

And just… stand there.

“...Will you be fine on your own?” He scratches his neck.

“...Yes, I’m used to it.”

“Then… I’ll go back home.”

“What about your sweater…?” I ask.

“Keep it for now,” he says, raising a hand.

I… raise my hand as well.

Lightly waving it side to side, and so did he.

“Thanks… for walking me home.”

He smiles, still waving,

I keep waving as well.

“Be safe.” I add.

“Will do.”

With that, he turns to leave.

Eventually disappearing from view down the street.

…I turn around, passing through the gate.

Opening the door and finally.

Back home.

I take off my shoes.

Set my bag aside.

Walking through the dark living room… to the kitchen.

I get a glass… taking a sip of water.

Now, I turn to the stairs.

…Wait.

I walk back to my bag, taking my phone.

I sit on the floor and… go to his contact.

…

Please… tell me if… you’re home.

…If you’re home safe.

I press send.

It loads… and is immediately sent.

I push myself off the floor and climb up the stairs.

Firmly holding onto the railings… trying not to slip.

Finally, I reach my door.

Stepping into my room and… lying straight to bed.

I lay on my back, my phone at hand as I stare at the ceiling.

It’s quiet…

I look around, seeing the faint moonlight against the closed curtains.

I hear… a few cicadas outside.

It’s somewhat reassuring.

…I let out a sigh, holding my phone over my chest.

Only now do I feel how… tired I am.

And how… lost I feel.

For a while it felt like—I don’t know how to…

It was…

I can’t quite recall every detail.

Like… why my head hurt.

How I ended up there and…

What exactly happened—

…A faint ring of my phone.

I lift my hand, seeing a notification.

“I’m home safe.”

…

…

…