Chapter 3.3

It’s quiet… too quiet..

I held onto what was within my grasp—it’s… rough.. warm even…

Initially loud, the noise of the world came back all at once.

..Then settled.

I kept holding onto it.

...Till I felt it hold back.

Though heavy… I tried to open my eyes.

The darkness of the room made it somewhat easier..

..In due time, I let out a sigh.

I turned my head around—it’s my room..

What.. time is it..?

“Aihara.” I heard.

“..Hayashi?” I called.

I turned to look at him, he was still there.

…I slowly looked down.

He’s still sitting on my bed.

I’m now.. holding his hand..

“You… didn’t leave..?” I asked.

“I couldn’t leave you like this.”

..I’m glad… he stayed..

For a moment, I kept holding onto him—not wanting to let go at all. I wanted to get up and sit next to him—but I couldn’t…

With one audible exhale, I turned to Hayashi.

“..Can you help me up?” I muttered, unsure if he could hear.

He let go of my hand and gently pulled me up; finally letting me sit upright—guiding me to rest my back against the wall.

“..Thank you.” I muttered, staring at him as he remained seated before me.

Has he really been sitting here the whole time..?

“Aihara.” he called—I tilted my head, wondering what he intended to ask. “Is there anything you need?”

“..No—not really.” I spoke, slowly.

Then I sat in silence again, just taking my time as I breathe.

“..Aihara.” he called… again..?

“What..?”

“Should I not have fought with him?” he suddenly asked. “I’ve been thinking, perhaps you got overwhelmed by my actions.”

I immediately shook my head, slightly disorienting me from the sudden movement.

“No… far from it..” I said as I observed his concerned expression. “I’m grateful—for what you did; you saved me.”

“..I see.”

I leaned my head backwards, letting out another heavy sigh.

Softly… I bit my lips, making sure I was awake..

“..Hayashi.” I called.

He looked at me in the eyes—non-verbally letting me proceed.

“Can you sit next to me..?” I patted down the space beside me on the bed. “I don’t want you leaving yet..”

He remained silent—processing my request then carefully sat next to me.. though with a bit of distance.

I squeezed my hands and scooted closer—till our shoulders pressed against each other.

..Just like this.

“May I… explain?” I asked—and he nodded.

I turned my head to look at him, he was just there.

..After one last exhale, I recalled what had happened.

“I think I mentioned this to you before—the thing with Sakuragi constantly asking me out..?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I was able to deal with his persistence for a while… but it gradually became worse.” I said, unsure of how to phrase my words. “I’m not sure what happened to me… or what happened to him but.. there began this… buzzing noise in my head..?” I explained, confusing even myself.

“A buzzing noise..?”

“Yeah.. in my head—whenever he was nearby.”

I turned to look at him again, wondering how he’d react to the absurd things coming out of my mouth.

“Then… what happened when he pulled you earlier?”

“..I… didn’t even notice until the pain just… got really painful.. Like—needles in my brain.. does that make sense..?”

“Kind of… then what about earlier?” he asked.

“..Earlier?”

“You froze.”

…Should I tell him..?

Unlike the headache I got from Sakuragi.. that one was entirely different… I don’t think he’d believe that I… disconnected.. or something.

“I… don’t know.” I muttered, choosing to keep it from him. “But you holding me.. it really helped… perhaps I was just overwhelmed..”

“..By me?”

“No… the headache.”

He still thinks it’s partly his fault..

Though I do admit… I wasn’t expecting him to be able to do that.

In that moment, I definitely witnessed a side of him he never showed. But.. it wasn’t overwhelming. In that moment… he remained calm..

..I’m really glad he was there.

“..Aihara?” he asked.

I stared at him, briefly holding eye contact.

“What is it?”

“How’s your status?”

My.. status..?

“..I’m fine now… I just need a little rest.” I exhaled and looked at him again. “..Aren’t you getting tired of calling me Aihara?”

“What else am I supposed to call you with..?”

“..Mizuki.” I said. “Mizuki’s fine.”

“Mizuki.” he suddenly called.

“...What?” I asked, but he didn’t say anything. I waited for a moment longer, but that was all he said. “..You’re so weird.”

“How?”

“I gave you permission—but why did you say it for no reason?” I asked—internally comparing this side of him to the one earlier.

“I was just practicing, I’ve never called anyone by their first name.”

“You’re a weirdo..”

“Am I?”

“You are.” I said, fondly watching him as he remained by my side.

..Having him by my side—feeling that he’s indeed there as his shoulder is against me… it really helps.

It really scares me, like… what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there..?

Kousei..

From the start, I couldn’t even understand what was happening—yet I could feel the pain getting worse and worse. So I wonder… how much longer would I have been stuck in that state if it wasn’t for him..?

That moment of.. disconnection…

It won’t happen again, won’t it?

“...Kousei.” I called, and he turned to look at me. “Is it alright if I ask?”

“About him?” he asked, confirming—and I nodded. “We played in the same club; a soccer club in junior high, we were winning tournaments—made it through regionals, even reached provincials.” he explained.

There I remembered Sakuragi’s words, calling Kousei a soccer genius.

“For a while, we were just teammates. Sakuragi was the team’s center forward; the player in position to score goals—I was an offensive midfielder; the player who sets up attack positions and passes to whomever can conjure a goal.”

“..Was he good?”

“He was alright, he was right where I needed him most of the time. Though things turned sour when I left the team before the nationals.”

“You left..?”

“Yeah, I got fed up.” he sighed. “He always boasted about his goal count, fuming in anger when I shoot instead of passing; claiming all the glory and disregarding his teammates—going further to belittle other club members and stirring drama in the team.”

“..To think something like that happened… is that why you left?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have cared about the troubles he had caused. But I was always the one having to manage his outburst—it felt more like babysitting.”

“..I see…”

I looked at him—his eyes.

“Are you still playing?”

“Not really, I didn’t feel like joining a club.”

“Not even casually?”

“There’s nowhere to play at.” he said and I scratched my head.

“..I’m a bit curious to see how you’d play.”

“I’m terrible, don’t expect anything.”

“I’m expecting a lot.” I whispered, holding back a giggle.

..For a while we remained seated, leaving me to notice even the smallest of things. “Your hand is really small.” he said, unexpectedly.

“My hand..?” I repeated, lifting my hand and spreading my fingers apart—it seemed fine to me?

Then he showed me his hand.

..My hands are indeed small.

“Is there a problem with it?” I eyed him suspiciously.

“No, not really—it was just my first time holding someone’s hands.”

“Don’t say it. That word’s banned.” I silenced him, pushing my palm against his face.

“Are you that embarrassed?”

“..About what?”

“That you asked me to hold your hand.”

“Hah..? What are you talking about? I can’t hear you.”

“Mizuki—you asked me to hold your hand.” he repeated.

This guy really…

“You’re banned too..” I muttered before moving away from him. Though I struggled to get off the bed after so long, I managed to stand by myself.

I glanced at my watch on the table.. and it was eleven o’clock… Did this guy really stay at the girls’ dorms until this hour?

“Kousei, you know guys aren’t allowed here since like—2 hours ago..?”

“..Is that so?”

“It’ll be troublesome if they see you leaving my room and have a misunderstanding..” I scratched my head, wondering how I’d get this guy out of the building. “You should’ve just left when you dropped me here..”

“Like I said–” he spoke, about to say something forbidden again.

“Ah- ah– don’t even say it.”

..But I guess it’s true…

“..Kousei—we didn’t manage to get coffee earlier, right?” I mentioned.

“Don’t fret, we can go anytime you’re feeling well.”

..That phrase again…

“Why… don’t we walk outside..? Stop by a vending machine or something.” I suggested.

“At this hour?”

“Yeah, so I can leave the building with you too. It’d be bad to have you leave alone.” I explained, watching him think about it. Then after a bit—he got off my bed and just looked down at me.

“You’re not getting a sweater?”

“I don’t need it.”

“Just in case?”

I lightly stormed off towards the closet, picking a soft beige sweater I could comfortably hold onto. “..You satisfied?” I asked and he just nodded.

Turning the lights off my room, we stepped onto the hallway and walked side by side, taking small steps—not wanting to make noise and be discovered..

It was really dangerous for him to be here, one small mistake and he’d get punished severely. I still remember what happened back during the first semester—when a girl brought her boyfriend to the building…

“Mizuki.” he called as he opened the door to the outside and the breeze suddenly hit me.

..Was it this cold earlier..?

He looked at me with an amused expression—too amused; was he… making fun of me..? I stared back in dismay as I wore the sweater he told me to bring. “I told you.” he remarked.

“It just so happened that I’m feeling cold.. that’s all.”

I let out a sigh of relief, finally safe from potential trouble..

As we walked, I kept staring at the sky—though it was too dark to even see anything. But with this weather.. winter’s really close… perhaps in November the snow will fall..

…

..Kousei has moments where he’s annoying—but I can’t deny how much I’ve relied on him.

For many weeks we’ve been taking turns treating each other on the vending machine, but it was always me getting the better end of the stick.

I looked at him, his expression calm as he walked by my side.

Compared to earlier.. he wasn’t speaking much..

Well… we weren’t speaking much.

It seemed as though we ran out of things to say.

In the midst of a time when the world’s darker than ever, the vending machine stood out—glowing ethereal under the street spotlight

Immediately… I quickened my pace, extremely eager to get close.

Once I stood before the vending machine, he was still walking.

So many options…

“I kind of want coffee but…” I muttered—scratching my cheek.

“You won’t be able to sleep.”

“Exactly..” I scratched my head. “Oh.” I exclaimed, finally knowing what to get. Although… it wasn’t typically sold in vending machines..

“What is it?” he asked.

“..Hot cocoa.”

“..Hm, there’s a convenience store close by.” he said, pointing in a different direction of the street. “FamilyMart.”

Of course, I immediately agreed and we walked side by side again.

“I’m really using up your time today aren’t I?”

“It’s no problem really.. it isn’t always that I get to go outside like this.” he said, looking at the dark sky before glancing at me. “It’s a nice change of pace.”

“I see..” I muttered, watching him as we continued walking.

It wasn’t actually that close, but it wasn’t too far either.

We entered the store and he immediately made me sit as he walked through the aisles.. why’d he leave me here alone..? I wanted to look for some things too.

I settled in my seat, hugging myself as I let out a breath.

..It’s the first time I’ve spoken this much in a single day.

…

My gaze seemingly landed upon Kousei as he picked up some stuff in the store, and pressed some buttons on the machine for the hot cocoa…

..To think I’d one day experience something like this..

…I’m really thankful, Kousei..

Have I.. finally moved forward..?

..Or was it all due to the letters?

“Here.” Kousei’s voice brought me back.

I lightly stared at him as he placed the hot cocoa in front of me, along with some bread..

..Would this.. ever happen without the letters..?

“..Thank you.” I muttered. Though I just sat there, he suddenly reached over—pressing the back of his hand against my forehead, against my neck. “W-what is it..?” I stuttered in confusion.

“You were blanking off again, are you feeling well?”

“Oh.. yes… I’m feeling well.”

I held onto the hot paper cup with both of my hands.

It’s warm…

“What did you get?” I asked.

“It’s barley tea.”

We spent our time in silence—taking small bites off my bread. Taking our time as we waited for this long day to end.

“Thank you again… Kousei.”

“Don’t fret too much, anyone would’ve done the same.”

“No, it’s only you who’d do what you did.” I shook my head and looked outside the store. “Thank you.”