読み切

Recitence

“So? What’s your business here?” asked the girl holding the door open.

“Must there be a reason…?” I mumbled, crossing my arms.

“I suppose not,” she giggled with a sly smile before pulling me into the student council room.

For what is considered the busiest room in campus—today it laid bare and cluttered with endless piles of documents scattered all over. “Where’s everyone else?” I finally whisper, yet my voice echoes loudly.

“I let them leave early—all of these are secretary work anyway,” she muttered whilst sorting papers on her desk. “Might as well let them rest before the trip.”

All of these… her work?

Hmm…

The room remained silent, till it was disrupted by the wooden chair creaking against the floor as I pulled it to Ayaka’s side.

Watching her work this hard, her soft hum softly enamored the dormant room as though she wasn’t carrying everyone’s workload by herself.

If only I had the means of helping her… I’m just afraid I’ll mess something up.

“...I really don’t understand this kindness of yours,” I mumbled, leaning my back against my chair as I embraced myself. “You’re not tired?”

“Of course I am. Especially since you’re here,” she turned to me with a smile that fully reached her eyes.

“I apologize for being a bother then…”

“Any progress with Akiyama-kun?”

“...Hah?”

“Akiyama Ren.”

“What…? Why bring up his name?”

“Wow… I can’t believe you still haven’t done anything after all these years.”

“What?? You’re making stuff up again,” I lifted my chair and distanced myself.

“No—seriously though, have you interacted with him this week? Like, at all?”

“..No, why should I…?”

Ayaka fell silent, her gaze just faintly drilling into me.

“...”

I squeezed my lips with the belief that silence would extinguish the fire… yet it had only burned stronger as she set her papers aside and scooted closer—taking my hand and pressing it gently.

“Hmm?” she muttered as she looked at me.

I turned away, hiding with these bangs of mine which she tried to brush aside.

“W-What is it?!” I frantically yelled, frustrated not at her—but at myself. “You’re making it seem like I have to do something…”

“Oh well, if he just saw this side of yours,” she muttered, finally letting go of my hand and returning to her desk.

“...I’d prefer he didn’t,” I groaned as I buried my head in my arms on the table, a bit… overwhelmed by her sudden interrogation.

I should be used to this at this point…

Yet whenever his name gets brought up—I just don’t want to be involved.

It’s not that I dislike him.

It just feels like… they make me feel like I’m not doing anything correctly.

Ayaka knows when to stop teasing, but the others…

…Who are they to dictate what should be done?

Hah—it’s a relief that no one from middle school is here… besides Ayaka.

Just because I told her that I found him attractive.

I thought she'd have forgotten about it a while ago.

I just…

“You excited about the trip?”

Lifting my head from my arms, Ayaka remained focused on the papers.

“Somewhat—I’m curious about the place we’ll be staying at… We’re roommates right? Or will it be like a shared room for all the girls?”

“Who said we’re roommates?”

“...So it’s a shared room?”

“No? It’ll be rooms for two.”

I wonder who will be my roommate if it isn’t her…

It’s probably random.

“Did the school not let you guys handle the pairing?”

“They did,” she glanced at me, smiling softly.

“Oh… couldn’t you put us in a room together?”

“I mean, I could have.”

“Can you speak more clearly…?”

“Hehe…” she covered her lips with a handkerchief before leaving the room as she hugged a pile of documents. “Make sure to enjoy the trip.”

---

...Every step I took was louder than it should.

Leaving me stuck in a silence that felt all too loud.

Temporary and fleeting it should have been… but sleep somehow managed to outrun me all night.

With the hallway strangely clear of any traffic, he stands far—facing the lone vending machine.

…I wonder what he’s getting?

“Hm—Nanase-san,” he called, his eyes darted at me. I stared at him as I stood close, then glanced at the selection of drinks. “It seems we’ll be partners.”

“It appears so…” I muttered, unable to choose between green tea… or coffee.

“What are you getting?”

“...Undecided.” I scratched my cheek, before turning to him and being reminded of how tall he was. “Which would you recommend?”

“Hmm, you’ve always drank green tea,” he scratched his head as I crossed my arms.

“I’ll go with that.” I said and he immediately pressed the button for green tea.

He crouched, picking up two bottles as I searched for my coins.

“Ah—no need to, it’s on me,” he pushed the bottle against my hand.

“...Why?” I tilt my head in confusion as I hesitantly accept the drink.

“Well, we’ll be together on the trip and…” he stared at me for a moment. “I actually don’t know why, just take it.”

“Uh—thanks Ren.”

…

“Thanks… Akiyama-kun,” I corrected.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine—whatever’s the easiest for you.”

“Then…”

“Yeah you can use my name.”

“...Call me by mine as well then,” I mumbled. “I’ll treat you next time.”

“Okay,” he nodded, holding up an okay sign. “I’m looking forward to it, Shiori.”

With that, he walked past me and disappeared around the corner—while I… could no longer move both feet.

---

Although I wished that Ayaka and I could at least sit together for this bus ride—that was ultimately crushed as the student council officers had a different ride and too many things to handle.

…In what appears to be the world’s compensation, Ren was in front of me—carrying my luggage as we stood in line for the bus.

“Is it not heavy?”

“Not really,” he turned to me, curling my bag once.

“...You can put it on the ground, you know?”

“It’ll get dirty, we’re next anyway.”

I followed suit as we entered the bus, walking down the aisle and stopping at a seat for two. He carries my luggage with ease, putting it on the top shelf before standing aside… as if waiting for me to sit first.

“You don’t want the window seat?”

“I prefer to sit by the aisle.”

“...Okay,” I mumbled with a slight bow as I settled in the comfortable seat.

As he sat next to me, his arms pressed against mine. “Just tell me if you need anything.”

“Mhm…”

We’ve spoken here and there… but it’s my first time actually spending time with him.

For once, it doesn’t feel so suffocating being next to a guy.

“The bus will be departing anytime now, inform us immediately for any concern!” yelled from the front.

“You’re all set…?” I quietly asked, he looked at me before silently nodding and crossing his arms.

A soft fabric scent catered to every crevice once the bus began to move.

The air conditioner blasting straight at me… it’s cold but—bearable.

I take a peak at Ren, just sitting still.

He’s not really doing anything.

I turn to look outside the window, watching the looming trees pass by—the sun hides behind dense clouds as the scenery continues to change.

Even now as I’m sitting here beside him… this situation feels surreal.

I’m not doing anything wrong am I…?

The fact that I get to be with him, should be enough.

Still, it’s ridiculous… Ayaka.

…Trees slowly became less frequent, while screams of laughter echoed from the back before dying down quickly.

I don’t immediately notice, but I keep falling asleep.

My eyes remained half-lid, taking the silence to fill my thoughts.

Ren… is still sleeping.

I wondered what he’d do during the ride…

Hah… I readjust myself, wrapping my arms around my waist.

If Ayaka was here I would’ve hugged and leaned on her but…

If it was Ren.

…No I shouldn’t.

I watched him one last time before letting out a sigh and resting my head against the window, blankly staring at the outside.

Slowly hoping… we’d get off soon.

---

“Shiori.”

…?

“..Hey.”

A tap to my shoulder, seemed to linger…

The road stretched endlessly—the scenery now shifted to the city.

As for where the voice was… beside me.

“Oh…” I muttered, met with a simple glance from Ren.

“You doing okay?”

“Yeah…” My voice comes out small, but I shake my head and embrace myself tighter.

“We’ll be getting off anytime soon so, just letting you know.”

I look at him for a moment and nod my head.

It’s really cold.

As the vehicle moved slower through the narrow roads, we arrived at the district.

Before we were allowed to leave, the teacher and other officers began speaking… yet none reach my ears.

I let out a yawn, covering my mouth—then leaning on the cold glass once again.

Hah… I wonder what Ayaka is doing..

…

Before they could even finish, their words were already deafened out.

I stare at the people passing by, living their own lives in this small place.

Leaving me wondering if I was even excited for this at all.

Two days…

I thought it’d be a break from school with Ayaka but… for it to be with Ren..

Cheers suddenly erupted, students began leaving their seats and crowding the aisle.

Ren however, didn’t seem to rush as he remained seated.

“You’re not getting off?”

“It’s not like I can with all of them leaving at once.”

“Right…”

I leaned on the window again, watching the students slowly spew out of the bus and excitedly run around.

…To have all that energy after travelling.

I don’t understand.

As the pace within the bus settled, Ren stood—letting me leave my seat and stretch in the aisle as he got my bag. “I’ll carry it.”

“You don’t have to…?” Yet he still carries it.

Ahh… I’m so tired.

I took my time stepping off the bus, and finally stepped onto the damp stones—surrounded with wooden buildings. As opposed to the confined space I’ve been in… the wind brushed against me, as if to uplift.

Almost as if…

Each breath I took, made my body lighter.

With every exhale, exhaustion dispersed.

“The wind is refreshing…”

“True,” I close my eyes and take deeper breaths.

Disappointingly, the orientation that took place in the bus hadn’t yet concluded.

We formed lines and settled in the hotel lobby—forcing us to listen as they imposed rules.

I sat still, my hands holding each other on my lap.

Resting my back against the sofa as people passed by.

I wonder what I should eat tonight… I’d prefer something light.

Waiting all this time, I haven’t seen Ayaka once.

I also don’t have my phone… it’s in my bag that Ren took.

The elevator doors opened, many familiar faces stepped off the platform, directly headed outside the hotel.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Mhm…”

“I just put your bag beside your bed, is that okay?”

“Yeah, thanks Ren.”

Now that he was here, I pushed myself off the sofa and stepped outside.

I’ve never really been a big fan of field trips.

They were always suffocating.

I was put in groups who didn’t want me.

I wasn’t close with Ayaka back then so… I never really had anyone.

From what I’ve heard earlier which sort of lightened me up a bit was that, apparently we could do whatever we wanted; within the district of course.

“Ren… have you ever been on a field trip before?”

“Would you be surprised if I said no?”

“Really…?”

“It’s my first.”

“...Well, you’re in luck,” I mentioned as we walked by the side of the road, tree leaves wavering against the strong breeze. “This trip is kind of the… very free kind. Usually the teachers would keep everyone in a group.”

“Is that so?” he commented, left in thought. “Would you lead the way?”

“It’s not like I’m from here. Let’s just walk wherever?”

“That sounds nice.”

Although the streets were narrow, and wooden buildings took solace in every spot—I wonder why this place feels so… open?

Upon arriving at an intersection of walkways, we turned left; didn’t really think much about it.

A small shop on the right… for ‘Matcha Gelato?’

It isn’t really something that I buy.

Walking further, we passed through several shops, restaurants, there’s just so many.

Turning right… we came across another parking space, but it’s the biggest so far.

“Vending machine,” he states.

Three machines.

I hold the side of my stomach, unsure of how I’m feeling as he walks up to choose… a rather familiar scene; but in a different place.

I do need a drink… but I feel like I’ll throw up if I get one.

“Shiori, what do you want?” he asks as he gets a Pokka Lemon.

“I’m not sure… anything light on the stomach.”

“Are you feeling sick from the ride?”

“It’s more like… I have nothing in my stomach so yes.”

“...” He looks at me concerned, before… getting me a small Green Dakara. “This helps, sip it slowly.”

“...Thanks,” I mutter as the cold spreads to my palms.

I hold it firmly as we continue to walk, small shops and restaurants come into view—but I notice them less as the discomfort becomes more noticeable.

The moment I thought about it… I just…

The space opened up, the highway in sight.

We stayed on the pathways, till we saw a bus stop.

“Ren… can we sit for a moment…?”

He looks at me, and immediately nods.

I sit under the shelter of the bus stop, opening the drink and slowly… sipping.

Contrary to what happens when I get sick like this—it’s soothing to digest.

Hah… even I don’t understand why I do this.

Skipping meals before travelling.

Then I complain about feeling sick later.

…I hold the drink in my hand, staring at the pavement—only to remember Ren.

Just sitting there, looking at the trees and cars passing by.

“...I’m sorry.”

“For what…?”

“We should be walking… yet you’re forced to sit here with me.”

He gives off a worried look, then sighs—returning his gaze to the highway.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything. Taking moments of rest like this isn’t bad, you know?” I lightly bow my head as the wind picks up, and silence befalls. “Take your time because I’m taking mine.”

I don’t speak.

I nod.

And breathe.

…If we were in groups, I wonder how bad it would’ve been.

It’s a relief that… he’s considerate.

That’s part of what I like about him.

Hah… I take another sip.

Instead of just staring at the pavement, I lift my head to breathe better.

He remains still, holding his phone… pointing at the sky.

So he takes photos of mundane things too.

Once he snapped a photo, he stuffed it back in his pocket.

“..May I borrow your phone?”

“Hm?” he turns to me, opening his phone and hands it to me. “Do you not have yours?”

“I left it in my bag,” I mumble, opening his camera and seeing myself. “...Please don’t look at the photos I’ll be taking.”

I hold the small drink in my hand, taking a photo of it.

I switch to the front camera, fixing my bangs for a moment.

“I didn’t think you were the type to take selfies, Shiori.”

“...I do, sometimes.” I mumble, as I hold the drink by my cheek and snap a photo.

I look at the photos I took, hesitating between keeping and deleting… but ultimately decide to keep them.

“Will you be needing your phone…?”

“No, you can use it.”

“..Thanks, shall we continue walking?”

“Are you feeling okay now?”

“Sort of,” I awkwardly smile, before standing on both feet.

As I swipe down from the photos, I accidentally see his photo gallery.

And… I kind of expected it from him.

“You don’t use your phone much, huh?”

“Yeah, only when I see something.”

“I can take a photo of you, if you want.”

“...” He looks at me worried, scratches his cheek and continues walking. “I’m not really the camera type…”

He’d look fine in photos though..

As he walks forward, I take the opportunity to capture my point of view.

It’s not like his face is shown… and he can delete it if he wants.

Immediately I stop walking, noticing the fence before me.

“That was close,” he looks at me in disbelief. “Why are you using your phone while walking..?”

I scratch my head as I put it down for the meantime, and continue walking.

Through this moment of transition, the strong wind passes by—my hair rises with the wind as the scenery… becomes green and blue.

“What river was this again?”

“Asano,” he says, extending his hand to me.

..What?

“My phone.”

“Oh.” I returned it to him.

I take a deep breath and let out a sigh… oh my god.

He stands tall, phone in his hand as he captures the still river.

For a moment I stayed still, squeezing my hand until he walked back to me.

But before he did, he looked at me for a moment.

“Do you want me to take a photo of you?”

“...I’m kind of awkward though.”

“It’s fine,” he says, pointing to the spot he was standing at earlier.

I walk over and see the river for myself.

Then I heard him take the photo.

“I—I wasn’t ready yet.”

I fix my hair without any reflection to look at… and put up two of my fingers.

He takes a second, before showing me a thumbs up sign.

I return to him and ask for his phone.

Looking at his gallery, was the photo he took of the river earlier… then me looking at the river, and me posing with a peace sign.

He took it well… the photo.

“Thanks…” I mumbled.

I held his phone firmly as we continued walking.

For what I assumed would be another pathway with a river on the side… we could actually walk down a set of stairs, and be closer to it.

The greenery bloomed, with the towering trees from the pathway from above.

And looking to our right… was the still river.

A bridge completed the scenery.

I opened the camera app, taking this view into his gallery.

“Did you take a photo of it?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

The wind continues to mess with my hair, yet I can’t help but accept the breeze it carries.

We keep walking, the sky turning golden—yet the scenery insists on remaining green and blue.

I open the camera app again, look at myself in the camera.

I stop and rotate, stopping with the trees visible behind me—and take a photo.

…Ren doesn’t complain, nor laugh at my behavior.

He’s just there, watching the sun dip.

Eventually we found stones we could sit on, overseeing the crossy patches on the grass—and the moving water.

Buildings stand tall on the other side, glistening with soft gold from the evening sun.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I agree,” he says, sitting on a rock near me. “Shiori, do you post your photos anywhere?”

“Hm..?” I tilt my head.

“It’s just… you’d be perfect for Instagram with the photos you take.”

“Oh… I mean, I do have one—I’ve just never shared it to anyone,” I said and he nodded.

It was an account I kept secret… with zero followers.

Though I held it as an archive, posting mundane photos for whatever I felt.

“May I open your Instagram…?” I asked, and he says it was fine.

Immediately, a cat video shows up from an account he follows.

I look at him for a moment, then like the video before searching for my account.

It isn’t private… but nobody knows about it.

And I sometimes include myself in the photos… and captions are…

Nevermind…

The things I post…

“Um… may I show you some other time?”

“It’s fine, you don’t really have to—but yeah sure.”

..I scratch my cheek, looking at my old posts.

I’ve always posted random things but some are… he’d realize if he saw them.

“...It’s getting dark,” he mentions, and I look up in surprise.

“Should we go back…?” I asked, closing his phone and leaving it on my lap.

“Not really… I mean, we can if you want to.” He looks at me, and I gently shake my head.

We fall back into silence, the soft crashing of the water is all that can be heard, aside from the relentless breeze that seems to have calmed down.

“Do you remember middle school?” I ask, and he turns in surprise.

“Yeah, you miss it?”

“Not really… there were some people I didn’t like.”

“The girls from the other section?”

“You know about that?”

“I was there when it happened—unbelievable,” he states, shaking his head as he keeps his eyes on the river. “You’re okay now though..?”

“Mm…”

To think he knows about it… and he isn’t ridiculing me.

I embrace myself from the sudden breeze.

That one was cold…

The sky had completely darkened, yet it opened up for the moon to watch over.

I sat still, holding his phone in my hand as he remained quiet.

Being with him like this… makes my heart want to open up.

For too long I’ve kept everything within… but now—

Whenever something happens, he doesn’t seem to mind.

Maybe if I say it now… he also wouldn’t mind?

…I can’t help but wonder, how would he react?

If I could just say it…

If he could just know…

“Say… Ren?”

“Hm?”

“...” I squeeze my lips, watching him as he doesn’t look—until he turns to look at me. “What do you think about… liking someone…?”

I wimped out…

“Liking someone… I’m not really sure,” he says.

“I… I see.”

“Are you conflicted about something?”

“...Yes.”

“Well, it’s never really been simple. Everyone deals with it in their own way.”

“R-Right..? Everyone I’ve met so far just… they’ve always kept telling others to do this, do that,” I began to ramble. “I never really understood why they’d impose their beliefs on me…”

He looks at me for a moment, as if understanding something.

“So you like someone.”

“...”

It’s you…

“You shouldn’t worry about it—Shiori,” he says, standing up and stepping forward to look closer at the dimmed river. “The correct way is whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

So doing nothing is…

“Doing nothing… even that’s correct?”

“Of course, nothing wrong about it.”

…I squeezed my hands, hanging my head low as I took a moment to pause.

Firmly I held his phone, then stood—walking towards where he was.

“Hah… if only we had this in Takayama.”

I refer to the calming breeze in the now dimly lit riverbank.

“There is a place similar to this, I can bring you there if you want.”

“...Will you?”

“Yeah.”

I meekly nodded my head before we turned to the bricky pathway.

There, a peaceful park remained open.

We passed through… the abundant flowers, the small plants—it was beautiful.

Then I stopped, looking at him as he too observed the playground visible through the vegetation.

I opened his phone camera again… looking at myself, fixing my bangs—turning around to whatever background seemed the best.

Standing under the streetlight, providing the cutest lighting..

I hope he doesn’t delete these.

I take another, and another.

Remembering it was his phone, I turned to realize he was watching me.

“My bad—I really never thought you were the type,” he lightly laughed.

“...I’m not though,” I say as I hand him his phone so he could take the photo he wanted.

As he turns to capture the playground in the distance, I stand still.

The streetlight partially lays on me, as the breeze from the river still makes its way here.

I look up to the sky, the moon’s luminosity is soft…

With the firmament open, the stars from beyond shine their brightest for us to see.

And as I look down, he points his camera at me.

Then takes a picture.